It’s getting increasingly challenging to write these blog posts as we inch closer to the present day; I’m writing about more and more people who I’m still in touch with.
I knew #103 from a bi group I used to go to. I didn’t know him well; he was hot, a bit aloof, and he went away and taught English abroad for a year or two so I guess it was just a chance meeting after he came back. Actually I think he came into the record shop I was working in, I think that’s how we met again. It was this indie shop that everyone was queuing up to work in, but actually I was making less than minimum wage, I wasn’t allowed lunch breaks, and my boss honestly was like Ricky Gervais in The Office only with added body odour. I got the job because the manager of one branch figured it would be fun to watch the boss clash with my gender studies degree.
Anyway, #103 and another friend of mine came round to my flat one night and we watched a film and probably drank some wine, and then when the other friend had gone I asked #103 if it would be okay to kiss him. A note: this has long been a default tactic of mine, but I have mixed feelings about it. It’s direct enough to get the job done, but it could also be viewed as rather unadventurous, like I’m not able to take a leap of faith and just kiss the person without checking first. On the other hand, if I’m going to be rejected it’s easier to hold on to my dignity if I haven’t already attached myself to someone’s face.
It obviously worked out fine with #103 though, and we saw each other a few times, spent a few nights together. I felt like I was a little out of my depth, though. I felt intimidated by the fact that he was eight or nine years older than me. “Yeah, but I’m wildly immature,” he offered. This was a great answer, but somehow I just couldn’t totally relax with him, even though he was perfectly considerate. I realised I’d wanted someone to make out with, but not really a sex partner. So I guess it kind of fizzled out. Then he met a friend of mine at my birthday, and they’re still together more than eight years later, which is pretty super.