#183

Why have I taken so goddamn long to update this? Well, I’ve been busy. This includes being busy kissing someone a lot, which I guess we might talk about in due course. We’ll see.

Anyway, back to chronology: it was May 2006 and I spent eight days in Helsinki and Copenhagen. My friend Will had advised me that I was all burned out and needed a holiday, minimum two weeks, but instead I opted for the high-speed version. I hung out with #183 my last night in Copenhagen. I had thought he wasn’t even interested in meeting up with me when I was in town, but it turned out my e-mail had gone straight to his spam folder, meaning I hadn’t needed to have a mini-drama about him no longer wanting to be my friend. (This modern age is rife with new ways for us to feel bad about ourselves.) We met up along with #130, who was hosting me, and a couple other friends, and went to the Ghost Mice gig at Ungdomshuset. #183, being rather a snappy dresser with a taste for the finer things in life, looked the most out of place; I had my usual ‘15-year-old boy joins the Black Bloc’ fashion aesthetic going on so for once I felt like I kind of maybe fitted in. Ghost Mice were endearing and super and I was delighted that one of my trips had coincided with a gig by a band I was really into.

Afterwards, we went back to #130’s place to drink. #183 kissed me because he’d already kissed #128 and #141 in Berlin and it was only logical to complete the circle. He attempted to dip me like we were in a classic film or something, and I fell on the floor.

Other than a brief liaison with #128 a couple of months previously, when she was passing through Edinburgh, this was the only time I kissed anyone else during my two-year relationship with #182. Here’s the cool thing: for a change, it wasn’t hard to stick to monogamy. The difference was that this time, monogamy was a conscious choice rather than a default setting, and I informed him of my choice when I got back from Copenhagen. I’d been thinking of him a lot while I was away, and I realised that I just wasn’t interested in anyone else. And that actually felt healthy rather than needy – I’d experienced a co-dependent relationship before and I was damned if that was going to happen again. This time, I was in a relationship that was not only a success in general, but I wasn’t wading into monogamy half-heartedly. My friend Lucy subsequently commented that she saw us as practising what she termed ‘radical monogamy’. And I guess it was, in that it felt like a new perspective; instead of going along with someone else’s script, we considered our relationship in terms of what worked best for each of us. I guess maybe it was kind of a eureka moment to realise that I hadn’t paid so much attention to that in my previous relationships.

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~ by Nine on 7 December 2009.

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