I was at Transfabulous, waiting for #150 to show up and drinking to pass the time/calm my nerves. I was in kind of a whirl of socialising. A friend of mine introduced me to this girl who I’d seen at Klub Fukk the night before when I’d been wandering around feeling awkward and she’d been on her own and I’d failed to talk to her. “I wanted to say hello to you too!” she said. “But I didn’t know what was proper etiquette, whether it would look like I wanted to shag you. Which I do, but still …” This was good news indeed, and yet somehow I was like “#150 is going to get here any minute and I am way too distracted so let’s just hang out”. I hoped that I’d be able to get off with the Klub Fukk girl the following night when I could focus better, but sadly it was not to be. Still, it’s not like I wasn’t goddamn busy enough that weekend.

Plus I wasn’t even consistent with my ‘too distracted to get off with anyone else’ strategy. I recognised #197 from the radical drag workshop that afternoon, at which I’d managed to do little more than stand around awkwardly (apparently this is a theme), and we talked for a while, all about genderqueer stuff and radical politics and Mattilda, and then #197 gave me their e-mail address and we made out. I guess this continued to happen intermittently even after #150 showed up, I mean she was occupied with someone else some of the time as well.

The following evening I was hungover, dazed, and had just managed to experience my first panic attack in years, which I was less than thrilled about. #150 had spent the night with me and then flown back to Rome and I didn’t know what to do with the contents of my head. Transfabulous was winding up with a cabaret. I talked to #197 in the interval, they said “You have to keep in touch, because you are AWESOME!” And I was happy about the enthusiasm because I couldn’t remember stuff too well, on account of being drunk. And they said, “I really enjoyed kissing you … I’m not sure if I want to kiss you again, I think it would be better if we were platonic” and I thought: hey, great articulation of boundaries! That worked for me too. That was something I figured I should bookmark for future reference.


~ by Nine on 4 February 2010.

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