After that, I got distracted by a Canadian musician who was on a low-budget tour of the UK. We went out drinking together after his gig and we talked all night and it was going well and after much inner debate I made a pass at him and it didn’t work. I sent a dismayed text to Leonard while the musician went to the bathroom or to buy more drinks or whatever. “How is this even possible?” Leonard asked, which was encouraging, except there was no way around it. (Please note that although this blog project is taking me a hell of a long time to complete, a follow-up project called Everyone I Ever Made A Failed Pass At would be quite an undertaking also.)

The musician and I shared a bed that night and he held me while we stayed awake talking for hours. It was non-sexual, but felt strangely intimate and couply; I don’t get that close to platonic friends. I kept thinking that it would be a good moment to kiss him, except I’d already tried that and I couldn’t make things awkward again. I couldn’t exactly complain, anyway: it was a wonderful night, and we seemed to have a bond.

So I wound up getting horribly drunk a few nights later with #138, and she pep-talked me into sending him an e-mail. When I sobered up, I decided it was the least suave message ever – check out its faux-casualness! – and the fact that it was sent at 5am probably didn’t help.

how’s the tour going?
so #138 and i were saying, you should come to edinburgh when you have a couple of free days. there is plenty of room and it would be cool to hang out some more! give me a shout nine x

I discovered some time later that somewhere during the arduous process of composing this lengthy message, I paused to make out with #171, who was an old friend of #138’s. I’d had a crush on him a few years previously. The only reason I know we kissed is because #138 subsequently produced a horrendous set of photos which documented me inching ever closer. He was also wasted and the episode was probably news to him as well.

As for the musician, he was interested in coming to Edinburgh, but it proved logistically impossible. I met him again when he played a gig in town a year or so later. I was in love with #182 by then, and it was good to hang out with the musician without having a crush on him that made me want to bite my own knees off with frustration.


~ by Nine on 2 October 2009.

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